How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
What drink are we having for lunch?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
