I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
