There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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