My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
