he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
