I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
