Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
