i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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