Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I could make wine with my vomit
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
