I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
