Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
