my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
