A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
