Who did Billy Mays play for?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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