We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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