Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
