I think I won the penis lottery.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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