direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
