your parents love me but you hate me
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize