this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
