I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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