that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize