i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Nicole vs. Life
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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