Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
