Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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