i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
