I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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