i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
