wanna go halves on a baby?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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