just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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