It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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