I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
you inspire me to be a worse person
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
