What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
