Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
