Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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