You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
