And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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