Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
