So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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