You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
