I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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