so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
