I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
