She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
