Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
