Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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