I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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