I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
