Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
