He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
