we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
