Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
