Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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