yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
