we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
