and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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