I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
