Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he puts the penis in happiness.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
