how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she looked like the before picture.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
