I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
