do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize