A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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